knot

A knot builds in my stomach as the days grow closer and the time runs out. It bubbles and boils and shrinks in the heat. It is a knot of excitment, apprehension,ecstacy and undoing. It is a nervous knot then a thread of bravity emerges to loosen it. Then uncertainty creeps in to hold it fast. As it wrestles in my stomach so my body responds. All I want and everything that I am in one giant, writhing melting pot. A knot of fear and self doubt threaded through with determination and sheer elation. My stubborn confidence coming head to head with my stubborn underminer. Sometimes I feel like I cant move for fear of what new emotion the it may release. Its a knot that keeps my body on its toes and leaves my mind in disarray. It challenges me and taunts my weakness against my strength. It is all me and none of me. It screams and then is deadly quiet. Its a knot that I can feel physically although my mind knows for sure that it is not there.