Irony

second guessing, nail biting,
head bashing, analysing...
pulpitations,
heat, sweat, out of breath.
Can't think, can't comprehend.
Distracted and feeling dumb.
way too fat.. way too numb.

I'm like... absolutely just stumped..stumped stumped..... I should
be feeling really good right now.. instead of playing out every possible scenario.. waiting for the bottom to fall out.


This is something I wrote a few weeks ago as a journal entry on my deviant art page. I remember the feeling as I was writing it. A feeling like something was coming out of me. When I look and what I wrote now it feels like I was speaking on behalf of someone else. It shocks me.. no not what was written but the process of it. How ideas are expelled from ones body or mind and once done.. they feel strange and familiar all at one time. Purgation, expression was the motivation for my words and the medium used was to enable them to be shared with others. So I could stare others in the face with emotions so to speak. Interesting and eery is what resonates with me right now. I stare myself in the face in a mirror of sentences, struggling to identify myself. It is quite bizarre. How will I feel about what I am writing now. What emotions, what fears will these symbols generate. What will this abstract and dead form of communication awaken once reviewed over time or tommorow.