Two asians and a black chick drove to Splashy Fen in Underberg. South Africa all the Gaborone, Botswana as our easter weekend in Gabs would have been doomed. DOOMED I TELL YOU!
We were just sitting in Linga Longa, on a friday afternoon like we always do. To picture Linga Longa just imagine the scuzzyness of one of those cheap American diners, where the quality of the food is made null by the fact that its cheap, its in a mall, has a happy hour and much appreciated wifi. Its where the randoms randomly hang out, gays, expats, juvenile deliquents and sometimes sing along with karaoke style "band" hired for the day. Thats Linga Longa.
It was easter weekend and there we were. We couldn't even be assed to buy a watered down cocktail. We just farted around on the internet. "Lets drive to Joburg" says Linh, "Yeah lets hire a donkey cart" says Euna. "How much do you think it would cost to rent a car, it can't be that much" Linh says. "I don't know check it out on the net". The next thing you know its around 8.30 pm and we are staring at our red volkswagen in the avis parking lot. "Oh my gosh guys I can't believe we are doing this I thought you guys were just joking" says Euna. Well Euna was right but we didn't tell her that. So after the avis guy warns us that our car is a Joburg hijackers wet dream, we check the car out and get ready to go. "Oh no" says Linh, "what" say Euna and I. "Its a stick shift". FUCK. "Chipo you have driven stick before right", "Yeah but I dont have a license" I say. "Well I can try, I haven't driven stick in like 7 years but I can try" Linh says. At around 10.00 pm we make it out of the parking lot. What transpired in the parking lot was both epic and amazing. At 4.30 am, we arrived in Joburg... alive! Even after we got stopped by the cops, bumped a kudu/deer (I think its ok), ran out of money at the toll gate and had no idea where to go once we were actually in Joburg. "Should we just drive straight to the festival now" says Linh. "NO" we said. Thank little baby Jesus for my friend Paddy who took us in.
Next stop Underburg, Splashy Fen ..
even the weird poster couldn't us off. http://www.splashyfen.co.za/
We drove and drove and drove
and drove and drove and stalled and screeched and stopped to rest and listened a lot of kak on the radio.
And then at 10.00pm.. we finally arrived..
Thank the lord. "How much is it?" we ask. "R400",,
eh what... "but its says here thats its R100 if you come on sunday, thats in two hours" I say. "Yes I know ma'am but its R400 now, they are saying its R400"...
"pssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhh"... So of course we decided to park our car and wait for two hours before we entered.
Then this guy comes and offers to pay us to drive his friend home. Linh tells him that there is no way she is driving, so he says he will drive and he will pay us.. schweet... We have two hours to kill anyway.. His name was Gareth and although I said I would put them both in my blog all I can seem to remember about the girl is that she is blond and maybe from Peru..
Gareth trned out to be a really funny guy and what could have been a potentially awkward interaction turned out to be loads of fun... despite the blonde chick sort of fucking out in the front seat.. sorr blondy...
So we ditched the blonde, and finally drive into Slashy Fen!
After the excitement of finally arriving, one of us said what we had all been thinking, “its really white here” observation right? Also what did we expect,, anyhoo after dancing around the fire, making the circle bigger and other such fun.
We found ourselves in my friend Ross car off to find mischief. How did this happen. A couple stops next to us, the girls says "this is my boyfriend" "your boyfriend looks like guy i know called Ross" I say. "I am Ross".. eh what....
So we are in the car on a quest for fun with someone clinging on at the back for dear life. Apparently he was used to it.. Then we stop and some random fat kid stalker called me a kaffir and reminded me how lame South Africa can be sometimes. Ok so not to let one random idoit spoil the rest of my festival I didn’t really dwell on it and the asians didn’t really understand what that meant anyway, But the word made me fell horrible. never been called a kaffir to my face… maybe that is a testament to the growth of South Africa or maybe it just shows how racist the society still is… What really pissed me off is that this random fat stalker was talking to this girl, making her feel really uncomfortable and no one would say anything. This girl is looking at us pleadingly, telling the random fat kid stalker dude to leave her alone and “fuck off” which of course he didn’t and not even her own freaking boyfriend stepped in to defend her. So what do I do,, I tell him whats what.. all very politely infact. As we drive off he pipes up “and fuck you, you stupid kaffir”… the whole car is silent.. the white people car are avoiding eye contact with me and my asian friend is going “what. what happend”.
to be continued....
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